Sound of the Now

this is all i think about when it's 5:15 and i'm working for free.



but today was pretty exciting. i got my first green light. yay! now, one more green light and my work load will be a little tiny bit lighter. the green light means my model has promising potential to work the way it's supposed to. that's when you click on the little man and not get pages and pages worth of errors. (i got a total of 13 pages for this one model and so far the second has 17. ewww..) then i'll be on to the second phase and hope i get results that actually make sense (but save that for another blog entry). for now, i'm happy that 1 of 2 models is done. here's what i mean:

i know it's a little lame, but i guess you should all know that this is how i spend my time these days. i'm not entirely crazy, like my previous posts suggest.

Monday :(

How can anyone hope to be as entertaining as that last post by X? Don't even try!

I've been tutoring three cute little first graders in reading and writing since October. Our tutoring group is wrapping up the year with evaluations. Six year olds have their priorities straight.

When I asked one of my tutees what he enjoyed most about our tutoring sessions together, he started by giving me a blank stare. After some reminders of the activities we had done together (reading new books, writing, drawing, games, painting ...) he decided his favorite thing about our tutoring session were the two pencils I'd given to him as a reward. My next tutee said he like our time together because he knew that after tutoring, it was almost time for lunch. Inspiring!

NAKED!

I'm a Failure At Life...

...and i will burn in f---- hell.

on Ash Wednesday i said i wouldnt facebook, eat chocolates/candy and consume any alcoholic beverage for FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS. i was doing good for 3.5 weeks until last night (friday) when my old coworkers called me and asked if i was doig anything for friday night. i said no. and they said (well, my ex-boss said) that i should go get dinner with them. korean bbq (that place where i went with the CE kids a couple of weeks ago). but then we ended up going to hot pot city, which was super awesome. i thinki it was more fun that n korean bbq. it was soooo goosd. -not even funny. hahaha. but anywhol...we were gonna go for some frozen yogurt (pink berry or yogurtlant after dinner) but we somewhoe ended up at this super crazy bowling alley at Anaheim Garden. it's like right across disneyland and half the people there were plastered with liver cancer waiting for them in the mornign.l

anhywhoo...we went there. and bowled. and drank. and drunke n bowled. i think i bowl better drunk, but i dont realluy know. i guess, you shold all just wait for pictures to get on to facebook (and i promise i walll not facebook until after easter, like i said before).

but anwhoo...the point is, i drank todayl. and i'm actually still drunk righ tnow. im trying to remember all the details but its too hard. i know i called yosulke to come out and drink (because i remembered he said wanted to get drunk thins weekend but obviously half of us are all flakes but thats not the poitns). we should try to druink again somethinme this weekend before we all die of f---- old ageo and act like we're in or 20s and be drinkin while we can. i mean, you wouldnt want to be a alcoholic wehn ytio're 50 with a wife and 12 childresn, would you?

but anywho...im still a little drinnkk right now. and it feels sooo f---- awesome. you dont even know.l mauybe come drinkin with an old pal and then you'll know. cuz you all kids know how much i misss all your beaustiful faces. oi really do. if i could go back in time, i'd go back to 3rd or 4th yeadr just so i could hangout eith all your faces again and be playin beer pong, etc. because i reallu do miss you. i'm not lying.

and soooo...to all my aeesome CE buddy boys...I LOVE YOU ALL AND I MUISS YOU TO DRUNKNED DEATHE!! AND TO MY EXTRA AESIOME CE GIRL PALS, I MISS YOU ALL EVEN MORE!!!!

and please come get drunk with me again. i'm like halfway begging right now. i dont even know. i'll f---- sponsor id you want. i just want to have a good time. you know, like when we were young and didnt have good jobs and didint have stuendent loans to worry about. and didnt worrry abotu who we were going ot marry, etc and how many kids we wantes, etc, and when all we worrues about was how to dodge mosallams's evil-ness.

SOOO...F---------- CALL ME, DAMMITS!!!

-much love, X

Hump Day Boringness

i've been talking to myself quite a lot these past few days. maybe i'm bored and lacking human interaction. or maybe my head has just been on overdrive because there's so many things i can't tell people. i don't want them to think i'm being weird so i keep things to myself. and i don't think anyone cares enough about my hopes and fears, so what's the point, right? there isn't.

so here are a few things i thought of today, (in order of occurrence):

• i want some beef jerky. i'm going to costco after work and use my $3.50-off coupon.
  
• Fog. why is it so foggy? it's mid-march and it's almost 7:30 and i want some sunshine.
  
• Commuting. it doesn't feel so bad anymore. i could do this for the rest of my life. maybe i don't/won't even need to move out of my parents' house. i could use all that money to travel and see the rest of the world. maybe even go on a sabbatical (does this term apply to all kinds of profession or just teaching? but i'd really love to do this).
  
• if i decide to go Home-Home for my next birthday, it'll be super cheap. i checked prices last night, i would only have to pay less than a grand. but i think it'll still be a lot cooler if i wait until the 10th year anniversary of my exile. so should i just pay the extra money and go later? sometimes i feel like money isn't really an issue. i mean, it's important, but a lot of times you actually forget about how you spend your money. you just have to get over that bump where you sort of feel guilty about buying a twenty-dollar meal and then spending more than a hundred dollars on two dresses. but in the end, you forget how you spent that $120+, like you never had that money to begin with. so no, don't go home-home for birthday. maybe i'll have a sober birthday this year. the first sober birthday of my twenties. (this really isn't saying much)
• i'm so over Stanton and their stinky SSMP. good god...when will this be over?
• i should probably place an order for some green tea at work. i've been chugging on generic lipton tea bags for the past few weeks. and even black tea (all 5+ varieties) isn't really making me happy.
• wow. you remind of my roommate freshman year. (*talking to some coworkers in the kitchen*)
• when will i get back my Norwalk stuff so i can move on?
• Brea, you are making me hate you. shapefile this, shapefile that. is the scale big enough? what color background should i use? i don't want to use pink and look like a girl. okay, i'll do green.
  
• omg...why are you not following this blog?
  
• i don't like forming tight relationships with people. and i'm not only talking about romantic relationships. i like to use this term inclusively: friendships, etc. i guess it's because i've always been afraid to feel too close to people that when they decide to leave me, i'll be broken and can never move on. the longer i stay in contact with people, the more i feel closer to them. so i go on periods of alone-time (some periods are short, some are longer, etc.). because i think, forming relationships is like snowboarding. the longer you do it (like, if you do it all season, from when they start making snow until all that snow melts in the spring), the more it hurts towards the end. (falling on your face in december is definitely less painful than falling on your ass in march). so, with relationships, the longer you stay, the harder it is to let go and recover when they decide to leave you.
  
• traffic isn't so bad, really. if i lived close to work, i'd have all this extra time. but i don't really need this much time to chill at home. it's not like i do other things after work.
• i'm going to title tonight's blog, wednesday boringness. wait...hump day boringness.
  
• beef jerky, here i come! then i have to gas up at costco. then go to the dry cleaners.
• yay for beef jerky! should i also buy cheese? and a book? no. focus on the jerky, dammit.
• what?! gas is $1.94/gallon?! sweetness!
• okay, don't forget to go to the dry cleaners.
• coming home to an empty is kind of sad. lonely. but i could totally live like this.
• i'm growing zits on my face.
  

In a box, with a fox?

I'm entering a sustainable design competition with two students from across campus. Architecture students! Civil engineers and architects are supposed to be mortal enemies like red paint and clean white shirts. But, I like my architecture teammates. It probably helps that one of them is an old friend from high school.

While this competition is a little on the conceptual side for my liking (no calculations!? will it really work?), I really like it because of the cool and weird sustainable practices that I'd never dreamed existed. We aren't designing houses with huge (and never used) front lawns, there will be no white picket fence here! Two car garage? Please, we only have 160 square feet to work with. Unfortunately, we aren't very far into our design so I don't know exactly what we are doing.

On my internet research journey I stumbled into the exciting world of container architecture. Shipping containers used as the structural material for residents, offices, and more! Here are some results:


Apartment style
http://www.containercity.com/


Office Space
http://weburbanist.com/2008/05/26/cargo-container-homes-and-offices/


Yeah, that's a container hotel.
http://weburbanist.com/2008/05/26/cargo-container-homes-and-offices/


Awesome! I love it! It looks like the set of Rent! It's a cheap,reused, and readily available material! It's already designed to take loads, YAY! You can stack them 12 high!

the best shoes EVER.

life is very good right now. i am very happy with my materialistic purchases.

i bought my first 3 pairs of skinny jeans. i have never been a big fan of skinny jeans because i always thought they were emo. (no, that does not mean i am emo now.) at pacsun, they had a buy one get one deal, which meant they were 20 bucks a piece. i know, cheap for jeans. so i picked out three pairs and tried them on. and man, my ass went from 0 to hero in the amount of time it took me to put on those jeans. and i must add, that i now have child bearing hips.

but the jeans are not the reason for this blog. this is the reason for this blog:

aren't they AMAZING?!?! i am typically not a big fan of classic vans, or any vans for that matter. but x marks the spot pointed these out to me and it was love at first sight. i could not believe how amazing they were. before the shoes, i have always had a thing for watermelons. i love eating them, i love the bubblicious flavored watermelon gum and i love the lip smacker watermelon flavored lip gloss. so these shoes are the epitome of my love for watermelon. i have never seen a pair of shoes so unique. yeah, vans has some uniquely designed shoes, i.e. heart, star, stripe prints etc. but this watermelon shoe tops it all. i am absolutely looking forward to wearing these shoes to work on casual friday!

Therapy

If I'm not feeling too great, I have a good chunk of free time (either realistically or through procrastination), I'm in a relatively private area, and I have free access to internet, I do the shameful. I turn to online shopping therapy. (I used to dye my hair with the cheapest and boldest colors at Rite Aid, but the professional world won't allow me to do it anymore, and the split ends are no fun)

What is it about online shopping that usually ends up with my urbanouttifers.com (a store I only buy clothes from online) cart full of clothes I hardly wear and don't have shoes to match with? It's the skirts and dresses (no good for Michigan winter and too scandalous on a bike!) that I always buy online. I only wear them if I'm out of jeans (I'm talking about more than 2 weeks of neglected laundry) and taking the bus somewhere.

But if I go to a store in person, it's rare for me to buy skirts and dresses. When I try them on, they hit my legs at odd places (knee length becomes just past the knees, mid calf becomes the terrible lower calves which does nothing for my ankles). But online, I'm safe from the clothing obstacles that being short presents. Plus, clothing models don't even look that glamorous. Okay, she isn't that much above average looking and below average weight (but only compared with all the other models on the site). That dress will look pretty much the same on me. Maybe a little longer, so I buy it with my credit card and feel satisfied.

And then I get it in the mail after tracking it on FedEx for half a week and it's a different color, it's super loose, it's too tight, too long, or too hipster for me and I hang it up in my closet and don't touch it again until I forget to reload my laundry card.

But, at least, I usually start getting work done afterwards. Maybe I need more hobbies.

Do you prefer head..or heart?

recent circumstances have begged the question: are you a head (the northern most part of your body, perverts) or a heart person?

i have always been known to make decisions with my head. if a friend would ask for advice, i would give an objective point of view, using cold-hearted (no pun intended) facts, black and white, all logic, baby. whenever i sense a hint of anger approaching me, before i even get angry, i rationalize and think about it and determine if it was reasonable to get angry. my emotions were so easy to control back then. if i felt sad, i could easily release myself of that emotion as if i were unbuckeling myself from a seat. if i felt angry, i would ask if it was really worth my energy and wouldn't think much of it. my emotions were so consistent and stable that i was often called a robot, sometimes a rock even (yeah, that sounds kind of bad, but you get my point, i think).

but as i've gotten older, i've learned that it's nonsensical to use soley your head for day to day dealings because life, as we all know, isn't all black and white, but many different shades of grey. "what should i wear to work today? slacks and a short sleeved shirt. but wait, it's daylight savings and it's super cold in the morning. ok, i'll wear a long sleeve. but if i get hot, i can't really strip at work. ok, slacks, a short sleeved shirt and sweater it is."

recently, i've wondered how many parts head and how many parts heart one should use in making decisions relating to people. should a decision concerning people be made with soley the heart? i don't think so. i think making a decision soley based on your heart is like throwing yourself onto the 91 freeway. so do you use your head? i don't think so either because life is not black and white.

so my solution: i use an effective combination of head and heart. my heart gently tugs at sleeves trying to get my attention, poking, pinching me until it gets my attention. but in the end, my head shows my heart who's boss because it overides any decision and makes the ultimate determination. but i think it's impossible to make a good decision without one or the other.

Use Me

there are only two kinds of guys in the world: the one you can use and the one who will only use you.

the first kind is easy to spot. you just use them. free food. free gas. free movies. free drinks until you passed out. a lot of times they won't even care because i guess, in the back of their mind, they think they'll get some action if they get you drunk enough or if you're too incapacitated from the food coma. i don't think there's anything wrong with this. it's a win-win situation. you get free stuff, and then they get some. (some ________. you fill in the blank. i guess whatever you got to offer.)

the second kind is the shady kind. but you won't notice this shadiness until it's too late. or until you've been used too much. maisterbate and i used to hang out with this User. blah...blah...blah...friends forever...blah...shit...shit...blah...this friendship matters to me more than anything else...blah...blah...blah. in the end, it turned out that he only wanted me for my car. we were friends for a long time and i even drove us to our "date." i drove wherever he needed/wanted to go because we were friends and he didn't have a car. but one day his lousy parents decided it was time that he got a car, and just like that, we weren't friends anymore. the guy completely stopped talking to me and maisterbate. so i took him off my facebook and AIM. that served him right. (if you're off my facebook and AIM, we can never be friends for all eternity.)

so here's my commentary: i'd rather be with the First Kind of Guy. because at least i'm getting something in return. like i said, it's always a win-win situation. although i guess the Second Kind of Guy isn't bad either BUT it will always depend on what i'm being used for. if i'm being used for my car, screw that. you're so off my facebook. on the other hand, if you're using me for something else (i.e. my body, etc.), then it's okay. at least i could still hope that i'd get something in return, even if this has a very slim possibility. (it's a plus if you got some skills, and you decide to put them to good use.) and i promise i won't delete you off my facebook.

SO ADD ME!! (then use me, LOL to that)